http://soyouwanttobeastudent.wordpress.com/
http://saudiuniversities.wordpress.com/
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Lowering the Gaze
Lowering the Gaze
It is reported that Salmân Al-Fârsî – Allâh be pleased with him – said:
I would rather die and be resurrected, die and be resurrected, and again die and be resurrected than to see the private part of a Muslim’s body or for a Muslim to see mine.
Imâm Ahmad, Al-Zuhd p192. 1st ed. 1983. Dâr Al-Kutub Al-’Ilmîyah. Beirut, Lebanon.
It is reported that ‘Abdullâh b, ‘Umar – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
Verily, part of disregarding the trust upon you is to look inside [other people's] apartments and houses.
Ibn Abî Al-Dunyâ, Kitâb Al-Wara’ article 71.
It is reported that Anas b. Mâlik – Allâh be pleased with him – said:
If a woman passes in front of you, lower your eyes until she has passed by.
Ibid. article 72.
It is reported that Al-’Alâ b. Ziyâd – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
Let not your sight follow the nice looking back of a woman [as she passed], for indeed the look causes the desire in the heart.
Ibid. article 77.
It is reported on the authority of Al-Wakî’ b. Al-Jarrâh:
We went out one Eid with Sufyân Al-Thawrî and he said, “The first thing we will do on this day of ours is to lower our gaze.”
Ibid. article 66.
It is reported that Hassân b. Abî Sinân – Allâh have mercy on him – went out one Eid and when he returned home his wife said, “How many beautiful women have you looked at today?” After she kept asking him, he said, “Woe to you! I have looked at nothing but my toe from when I went out to when I returned to you.”
Ibid. article 68.
Source: http://www.sayingsofthesalaf.net/#ixzz1GPkUkb45
Secure from Allah About Our Religion.
It is reported from Sufyân Al-Thawrî – Allah have mercy on him – that he said:
A person who sits with a heretic (an adherent of bid’ah) will not escape one of three things:
Either he will become a trial (fitnah) for others, or some deviation will occur in his heart and he will slip and be cast into the Fire by Allah, or he will say to himself, ‘By Allah, I don’t care what they say, I am confident about myself;’ but whoever feels secure from Allah about his religion even for the blinking of an eye, Allah will take his religion away from him.
Ibn Waddâh, Al-Bida’ p125.
Source: http://www.sayingsofthesalaf.net/index.php/category/bidah/page/8/#ixzz1GPkGGFSf
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Muhammad in the Bible
A Great Video Reference for some Da'wah Points
Among the beauties of Islam is the fact that in this religion there are no intermediaries in the relationship between a person and his Lord. Entering this religion does not involve any special ceremonies or procedures that need to be done in front of any other person, nor does it require the consent of any specific people. Becoming Muslim is very easy and anyone can do it even if he is all alone in the desert or in a locked room. All it takes is to say two beautiful sentences which sum up the meaning of Islam and which include the statement that: a person is the slave of his Lord and that he submits himself to Him and recognizes that He is his God and Helper and Protector Who decrees for him whatever He wills; and that Muhammad is the slave and Messenger of Allaah whom he must follow with regard to what was revealed to him from Allaah, for obeying the Messenger is part of obeying Allaah. Whoever utters these twin statements of faith, with conviction and believing in them, becomes a Muslim, sharing all the rights and duties that other Muslims have. After that he can start straight away to do the things that Allaah has made obligatory, such as the five daily prayers at the right times, fasting during the month of Ramadaan, and so on. From this it should be clear to you that you can become a Muslim straight away, so get up, have a shower and say: “Ash-hadu an laa ilaaha ill-Allaah wa ash-hadu anna Muhammadan ‘abduhu wa rasooluhu (I bear witness that there is no god except Allaah and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger).” For more information, see ( http://islamqa.com/en/cat/12 ). May Allaah help you to do all that is good and guide your steps aright. May He decree for you happiness in this world and the next. Peace be upon those who follow true guidance. "
And Allah Knows Best.
Among the beauties of Islam is the fact that in this religion there are no intermediaries in the relationship between a person and his Lord. Entering this religion does not involve any special ceremonies or procedures that need to be done in front of any other person, nor does it require the consent of any specific people. Becoming Muslim is very easy and anyone can do it even if he is all alone in the desert or in a locked room. All it takes is to say two beautiful sentences which sum up the meaning of Islam and which include the statement that: a person is the slave of his Lord and that he submits himself to Him and recognizes that He is his God and Helper and Protector Who decrees for him whatever He wills; and that Muhammad is the slave and Messenger of Allaah whom he must follow with regard to what was revealed to him from Allaah, for obeying the Messenger is part of obeying Allaah. Whoever utters these twin statements of faith, with conviction and believing in them, becomes a Muslim, sharing all the rights and duties that other Muslims have. After that he can start straight away to do the things that Allaah has made obligatory, such as the five daily prayers at the right times, fasting during the month of Ramadaan, and so on. From this it should be clear to you that you can become a Muslim straight away, so get up, have a shower and say: “Ash-hadu an laa ilaaha ill-Allaah wa ash-hadu anna Muhammadan ‘abduhu wa rasooluhu (I bear witness that there is no god except Allaah and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger).” For more information, see ( http://islamqa.com/en/cat/12 ). May Allaah help you to do all that is good and guide your steps aright. May He decree for you happiness in this world and the next. Peace be upon those who follow true guidance. "
And Allah Knows Best.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
The Memories of Our Scholars
Memorization
Imam Bukhari was able to glance at a page of hadeeth once and he would memorize it.
Imam Shafi’ee had to cover the notes in the margins of the texts he read because if he did not, he would memorize them and it would conflict with what he was trying to memorize.
Imam Ash-Shu'ba would cover his ears when he went through the market because he was afraid of memorizing the fruitless conversations which took place there.
Imam Ahmad memorized one million hadith just as well as the layman memorizes Surah Ikhlaas.
The question arises; how did these great scholars memorize so effortlessly?
There is no doubt that these abilities to memorize are of the gifts and blessings given to them by Allah
But there are some secondary factors, which helped the scholars to achieve such a precise memory.
One reason why scholars memorized so easily was that they respected the knowledge. To them, the knowledge of hadith was worth more than gold. They valued the knowledge in the light that it deserves. Because it was important to them, it became something that took priority in their brain.
This is just as one would remember the name of a potential spouse after speaking to her only once, but keep forgetting the brother or sister you bumped into at the Masjid occasionally. Likewise, we see kids memorizing trivia facts about their favorite basketball and football players without even trying. But if you ask them about Abu Sa’eed al Khudri, they might be clueless. The problem is simple. We simply do not put enough importance or priority in our minds on the Deen. The respect for knowledge is one of the contributing factors in the ability to retain the knowledge, as the scholars practiced.
Here in the west, people are taught to understand and not memorize. Understanding is very important, but a void exists in this culture with the memorization ability of the majority. Memorizing is a skill that improves with frequency. In other words, the more one attempts to memorize, the more efficient one will become in memorizing.
One can liken memorizing to weightlifting. It might be very difficult for the person who never lifted weights before to work out. But for the person who has been doing it for several years consistently, he will find it very easy and even enjoyable.
Memorizing is simply another skill that becomes better with practice. Consider the low percentage of the brain that people use (~12%), then we see everyone has great potential. Memorizing helps increase our memory and capacity, not vice versa.
The lesson to draw from this point is to try to memorize everything you come across for the sake of becoming a better memorizer. Rather than mentally “marking it for deletion” an ayah or hadeeth because it’s available in a book, try memorizing for the sake of improving your memory.
We might think that when a person ages, their memory goes down the drain. But why then do you see so many shayookh who are very elderly in age, but very sharp in their memory? The reason is simple. Old age is not the only factor to memory depletion, accumulation of sins affects this as well. The more sins you commit, the worse your memory becomes. Amazingly, Imam Shafi’i was not content with his memory. He complained to his teacher Wakia ibn Jarrah about this.
“I complained to my teacher about my bad memory, and he told me to stay away from sins, for indeed the knowledge of Allah is light, and the light of Allah is not given to sinners.”
We see here that there is a connection between ones memory and the sins that he/she commits. We all commit sins, but it is up to us to try our hardest to avoid all we can and to continue to repent to Allah. The Qur’an and the Sunnah does not mix at all with sins.They are repellents of one another.
Another way to memorize is to have khushu' in prayer. This has been scientifically proven by non-muslims. In an article that Sheikh AbdulBary Yahya came across less than a year ago, it stated that "conscious editation" is the way to increase memorization ability. In Islamic terminology, “conscious meditation” is nothing other than khushu’ in Salah.
There is no denying that memorization is part of our deen. Every Muslim is required to recite from memory at least some portion of the Qur’an in their Salah. Notice also that the Prophet’s
hadeeth earlier specifically mentioned the face being enlightened of the ones who repeat exactly what he said. This implies memorization of the sayings of the Prophet .
A final point here related to memorizing is preserving the knowledge we seek. Sheikh Abdulbary’s advice is that people get in the habit of taking notes whenever we are seeking Islamic knowledge. Also, when they are studying the notes that they write down, they should put ourselves in the mindset that they will be teaching the knowledge to someone else the very next month.
In that way, they will find themselves retaining the knowledge that they come across. Below is a summary of the ways to improve memory.
Ways to Improve Memory:
1. Developing Respect for the Knowledge
2. Memorize Frequently
3. Avoid Sins
4. Khushu’ in Prayer
The Chain of Command
Taught by Shaykh Abdul Bary Yahya
Imam Bukhari was able to glance at a page of hadeeth once and he would memorize it.
Imam Shafi’ee had to cover the notes in the margins of the texts he read because if he did not, he would memorize them and it would conflict with what he was trying to memorize.
Imam Ash-Shu'ba would cover his ears when he went through the market because he was afraid of memorizing the fruitless conversations which took place there.
Imam Ahmad memorized one million hadith just as well as the layman memorizes Surah Ikhlaas.
The question arises; how did these great scholars memorize so effortlessly?
There is no doubt that these abilities to memorize are of the gifts and blessings given to them by Allah
But there are some secondary factors, which helped the scholars to achieve such a precise memory. One reason why scholars memorized so easily was that they respected the knowledge. To them, the knowledge of hadith was worth more than gold. They valued the knowledge in the light that it deserves. Because it was important to them, it became something that took priority in their brain.
This is just as one would remember the name of a potential spouse after speaking to her only once, but keep forgetting the brother or sister you bumped into at the Masjid occasionally. Likewise, we see kids memorizing trivia facts about their favorite basketball and football players without even trying. But if you ask them about Abu Sa’eed al Khudri, they might be clueless. The problem is simple. We simply do not put enough importance or priority in our minds on the Deen. The respect for knowledge is one of the contributing factors in the ability to retain the knowledge, as the scholars practiced.
Here in the west, people are taught to understand and not memorize. Understanding is very important, but a void exists in this culture with the memorization ability of the majority. Memorizing is a skill that improves with frequency. In other words, the more one attempts to memorize, the more efficient one will become in memorizing.
One can liken memorizing to weightlifting. It might be very difficult for the person who never lifted weights before to work out. But for the person who has been doing it for several years consistently, he will find it very easy and even enjoyable.
Memorizing is simply another skill that becomes better with practice. Consider the low percentage of the brain that people use (~12%), then we see everyone has great potential. Memorizing helps increase our memory and capacity, not vice versa.
The lesson to draw from this point is to try to memorize everything you come across for the sake of becoming a better memorizer. Rather than mentally “marking it for deletion” an ayah or hadeeth because it’s available in a book, try memorizing for the sake of improving your memory.
We might think that when a person ages, their memory goes down the drain. But why then do you see so many shayookh who are very elderly in age, but very sharp in their memory? The reason is simple. Old age is not the only factor to memory depletion, accumulation of sins affects this as well. The more sins you commit, the worse your memory becomes. Amazingly, Imam Shafi’i was not content with his memory. He complained to his teacher Wakia ibn Jarrah about this.
“I complained to my teacher about my bad memory, and he told me to stay away from sins, for indeed the knowledge of Allah is light, and the light of Allah is not given to sinners.”
We see here that there is a connection between ones memory and the sins that he/she commits. We all commit sins, but it is up to us to try our hardest to avoid all we can and to continue to repent to Allah
. The Qur’an and the Sunnah does not mix at all with sins.They are repellents of one another. Another way to memorize is to have khushu' in prayer. This has been scientifically proven by non-muslims. In an article that Sheikh AbdulBary Yahya came across less than a year ago, it stated that "conscious editation" is the way to increase memorization ability. In Islamic terminology, “conscious meditation” is nothing other than khushu’ in Salah.
There is no denying that memorization is part of our deen. Every Muslim is required to recite from memory at least some portion of the Qur’an in their Salah. Notice also that the Prophet’s
hadeeth earlier specifically mentioned the face being enlightened of the ones who repeat exactly what he said. This implies memorization of the sayings of the Prophet . A final point here related to memorizing is preserving the knowledge we seek. Sheikh Abdulbary’s advice is that people get in the habit of taking notes whenever we are seeking Islamic knowledge. Also, when they are studying the notes that they write down, they should put ourselves in the mindset that they will be teaching the knowledge to someone else the very next month.
In that way, they will find themselves retaining the knowledge that they come across. Below is a summary of the ways to improve memory.
Ways to Improve Memory:
1. Developing Respect for the Knowledge
2. Memorize Frequently
3. Avoid Sins
4. Khushu’ in Prayer
The Chain of Command
Taught by Shaykh Abdul Bary Yahya
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Following The Imaams.
Source: The Prophet's Prayer Described
Abu Haneefah (rahimahullaah)
The first of them is Abu Haneefah Nu'maan ibn Thaabit, whose companions have
narrated from him various sayings and diverse warnings, all of them leading to
one thing: the obligation to accept the Hadeeth, and to give up following the
opinions of the imaams which contradict it:
1. "When a hadeeth is found to be saheeh, then that is my madhhab."[20]
2. "It is not permitted[21] for anyone to accept our views if they do not
know from where we got them."[22]
In one narration, "It is prohibited[23] for someone who does not know my
evidence to give verdicts[24] on the basis of my words."
Another narration adds, "... for we are mortals: we say one thing one day,
and take it back the next day."
In another narration, "Woe to you, O Ya'qub[25]! Do not write down everything
you hear from me, for it happens that I hold one opinion today and reject it
tomorrow, or hold one opinion tomorrow and reject it the day after
tomorrow."[26]
3. "When I say something contradicting the Book of Allaah the Exalted or what
is narrated from the Messenger (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam), then ignore my
saying."[27]
Maalik ibn Anas (rahimahullaah
As for Imaam Maalik ibn Anas, he said:
1. "Truly I am only a mortal: I make mistakes (sometimes) and I am correct
(sometimes). Therefore, look into my opinions: all that agrees with the Book and
the Sunnah, accept it; and all that does not agree with the Book and the Sunnah,
ignore it."[28]
2. "Everyone after the Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) will have his
sayings accepted and rejected - not so the Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa
sallam)."[29]
3. Ibn Wahb said: "I heard Maalik being asked
about cleaning between the toes during ablution. He said, `The people do not
have to do that.' I did not approach him until the crowd had lessened, when I
said to him, `We know of a sunnah about that.' He said, `What is that ?' I said,
`Laith ibn Sa'd, Ibn Lahee'ah and `Amr ibn al-Haarith narrated to us from Yazeed
ibn `Amr al-Ma'aafiri from Abu `Abdur-Rahman al-Hubuli from Mustawrid ibn
Shaddaad al-Qurashi who said, `I saw the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu
`alaihi wa sallam) rubbing between his toes with his little finger.' He said,
`This hadeeth is sound; I had not heard of it at all until now.' Afterwards, I
heard him being asked about the same thing, on which he ordered cleaning between
the toes."[30]
Shaafi'i (rahimahullaah)
As for Imaam Shaafi'i, the quotations from him are most numerous and
beautiful[31], and his followers were the best in sticking to them:
1. "The sunnahs of the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam)
reach, as well as escape from, every one of us. So whenever I voice my opinion,
or formulate a principle, where something contrary to my view exists on the
authority of the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam), then the
correct view is what the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) has
said, and it is my view."[32]
2. "The Muslims are unanimously agreed that if a sunnah of the Messenger of
Allaah (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) is made clear to someone, it is not
permitted[33] for him to leave it for the saying of anyone else."[34]
3. "If you find in my writings something different to the Sunnah of the
Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam), then speak on the basis of
the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam), and leave
what I have said."
In one narration: "... then follow it (the Sunnah), and do not look sideways
at anyone else's saying."[35]
4. "When a hadeeth is found to be saheeh, then that is my madhhab."[36]
5. "You[37] are more knowledgeable about Hadeeth than I, so when a hadeeth is
saheeh, inform me of it, whether it is from Kufah, Basrah or Syria, so that I
may take the view of the hadeeth, as long as it is saheeh."[38]
6. "In every issue where the people of narration find a report from the
Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) to be saheeh which is
contrary to what I have said, then I take my saying back, whether during my life
or after my death."[39]
7. "If you see me saying something, and contrary to it is
authentically-reported from the Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam), then
know that my intelligence has departed."[40]
8. "For everything I say, if there is something authentic from the Prophet
(sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) contrary to my saying, then the hadeeth of the
Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) comes first, so do not follow my
opinion."[41]
9. "Every statement on the authority of the Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa
sallam) is also my view, even if you do not hear it from me."[42]
>Ahmad ibn Hanbal (rahimahullaah) >
Imaam Ahmad was the foremost among the Imaams in collecting the Sunnah and
sticking to it, so much so that he even "disliked that a book consisting of
deductions and opinions be written."[43] Because of this he said:
1. "Do not follow my opinion; neither follow the opinion of Maalik, nor
Shaafi'i, nor Awzaa'i, nor Thawri, but take from where they took."[44]
In one narration: "Do not copy your Deen from anyone of these, but whatever
comes from the Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) and his Companions, take
it; next are their Successors, where a man has a choice."
Once he said: "Following[45] means that a man follows what comes from the
Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) and his Companions; after the
Successors, he has a choice."[46]
2. "The opinion of Awzaa'i, the opinion of Maalik, the opinion of Abu
Haneefah: all of it is opinion, and it is all equal in my eyes. However, the
proof is in the narrations (from the Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) and
his Companions)."[47]
3. "Whoever rejects a statement of the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu
`alaihi wa sallam) is on the brink of destruction."[48]
SHAYKH SAALIH AL-FAWZAAN was
asked: Is it permissible for one who sticks to a particular madhhab in
matters of worship, to turn away from it and stick to another madhhab whenever
he wants? Or is it binding upon a Muslim to stick to just one madhhab until he
dies? And is there a difference in how the Prayer should be performed between
the four madhhabs or not? And what has been related from the Prophet sallallaahu
alayhi wa sallam concerning how the Prayer should be prayed?
The Shaykh, hafidhahullaah, responded: The issue of sticking to a madhhab has
in it some detail. If a person has the ability to know the ruling from its
proof, and to deduce the ruling from its proof, then it is not permitted for him
to cling to a madhhab. rather, it is upon him to take the ruling from the
evidence - if he has the ability to do so. However, this is rare amongst the
people, since this is a quality of the mujtahideen from the people of knowledge;
those that have reaced the levels of ijtihaad. As for one who is not like that,
then he cannot take the rulings directly from the evidences. And this is the
predominant case amongst the people, especially in these latter times. So [in
such a case] there is no harm in adopting one of the four madhhabs and making
taqleed of one of them. However, he should not make blind taqleed such that he
takes all that is in the madhhab; whether it is correct or incorrect. Rather, it
is upon him to take from the madhhab that which - in his view - does not clearly
oppose the evidence. As for those views in the madhhab which clearly oppose the
evidence, then it is not permissible for the Muslim to take it. Rather it is
upon him to adopt what is established by the proof, even if it is in another
madhhab So his leaving the madhhab for another madhhab in order to follow the
evidence is something good; this is a matter which is good - rather it is
obligatory;since following the evidence is an madhhab in order to follow the
evidence is something good; this is a matter which is good - rather it is
obligatory;since following the evidence is an obligation.
As for adopting one madhhab sometimes and another at other times, then this
moving is from the angle of following ones desires and seeking concessions, and
this is not permissible. Meaning, that whatever accords with ones whims and
desires, from the sayings of the people of knowledge, is taken - even if it
opposes the proof; and whatever opposes ones whims and desires is left - even if
it has a proof. This is the following of whims and desires, and we seek refuge
in Allaah [from that]. Thus, moving from one madhhab to another, due to
following ones desires, or due to ease or seeking concession; then this is not
permissible. As for moving from one madhhab to another due to following an
evidence, or to flee from a saying that does not have a proof, or from an
erroneous view - then this is a matter that is encouraged and sought from a
Muslim. And Allaah knows best.
As for the issue concerning the differences between the four madhhabs in the
Prayer, then the four madhhabs - and all praise is for Allaah - are in Prayer,
then the four madhhabs - and all praise is for Allaah - are in agreement about
most of the rulings concerning the Prayer, in general. Their differences are in
some of the details of the Prayer. From [such differences] are, for example,
that [one of them] may consider something to be prescribed, whilst another may
not consider it to be prescribed; one may consider something to be obligatory,
whilst another may consider it to be recommended; and so on. So the differences
are in the details of the Prayer. But as for the rulings of the Prayer in
general, then there is no difference - and all praise is for Allaah
FOOT NOTES
20 Ibn `Aabideen in al-Haashiyah (1/63), and in his essay Rasm al-Mufti (1/4
from the Compilation of the Essays of Ibn `Aabideen), Shaikh Saalih al-Fulaani
in Eeqaaz al-Himam (p. 62) & others. Ibn `Aabideen quoted from Sharh
al-Hidaayah by Ibn al-Shahnah al-Kabeer, the teacher of Ibn al-Humaam, as
follows:
"When a hadeeth contrary to the Madhhab is found to be saheeh, one should act
on the hadeeth, and make that his madhhab. Acting on the hadeeth will not
invalidate the follower's being a Hanafi, for it is authentically reported that
Abu Haneefah said, `When a hadeeth is found to be saheeh, then that is my
madhhab', and this has been related by Imaam Ibn `Abdul Barr from Abu Haneefah
and from other imaams."
This is part of the completeness of the knowledge and piety of the Imaams,
for they indicated by saying this that they were not versed in the whole of the
Sunnah, and Imaam Shaafi'i has elucidated this thoroughly (see later). It would
happen that they would contradict a sunnah because they were unaware of it, so
they commanded us to stick to the Sunnah and regard it as part of their Madhhab.
May Allaah shower His mercy on them all.
21Ar.: halaal
22 Ibn `Abdul Barr in Al-Intiqaa' fi Fadaa'il ath-Thalaathah al- A'immah
al-Fuqahaa' (p. 145), Ibn al-Qayyim in I'laam al- Mooqi'een (2/309), Ibn
`Aabideen in his Footnotes on Al-Bahr ar-Raa'iq (6/293) and in Rasm al-Mufti
(pp. 29,32) & Sha'raani in Al-Meezaan (1/55) with the second narration. The
last narration was collected by `Abbaas ad-Dawri in At- Taareekh by Ibn Ma'een
(6/77/1) with a saheeh sanad on the authority of Zafar, the student of Imaam Abu
Haneefah. Similar narrations exist on the authority of Abu Haneefah's companions
Zafar, Abu Yoosuf and `Aafiyah ibn Yazeed; cf. Eeqaaz (p. 52). Ibn al-Qayyim
firmly certified its authenticity on the authority of Abu Yoosuf in I'laam
al-Mooqi'een (2/344). The addition to the second narration is referenced by the
editor of Eeqaaz (p. 65) to Ibn `Abdul Barr, Ibn al-Qayyim and others.
If this is what they say of someone who does not know their evidence, what
would be their response to one who knows that the evidence contradicts their
saying, but still gives verdicts opposed to the evidence?! Therefore, reflect on
this saying, for it alone is enough to smash blind following of opinion; that is
why one of the muqallid shaikhs, when I criticised his giving a verdict using
Abu Haneefah's words without knowing the evidence, refused to believe that it
was a saying of Abu Haneefah!
23 Ar.:haraam
24 Ar.: fatwaa
25 i.e. Imaam Abu Haneefah's illustrious student, Abu Yoosuf (rahimahullaah).
26 This was because the Imaam would often base his view on Qiyaas (Analogy),
after which a more potent analogy would occur to him, or a hadeeth of the
Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) would reach him, so he would accept that
and ignore his previous view. Sha'raani's words in Al-Meezaan (1/62) are
summarised as:
"Our belief, as well as that of every researcher into Imaam Abu Haneefah
(radi Allaahu `anhu), is that, had he lived until the recording of the
Sharee'ah, and the journeys of the Preservers of Hadeeth to the various cities
and frontiers in order to collect and acquire it, he would have accepted it and
ignored all the analogies he had employed. The amount of qiyaas in his Madhhab
would have been just as little as that in other Madhhabs, but since the
evidences of the Sharee'ah had been scattered with the Successors and their
successors, and had not been collected in his lifetime, it was necessary that
there be a lot of qiyaas in his Madhhab compared to that of other imaams. The
later scholars then made their journeys to find and collect ahaadeeth from the
various cities and towns and wrote them down; hence, some ahaadeeth of the
Sharee'ah explained others. This is the reason behind the large amount of qiyaas
in his Madhhab, whereas there was little of it in other Madhhabs."
Abul-Hasanaat Al-Lucknowi quoted his words in full in An- Naafi' al-Kabeer
(p. 135), endorsing and expanding on it in his footnotes, so whoever wishes to
consult it should do so there.
Since this is the justification for why Abu Haneefah has sometimes
unintentionally contradicted the authentic ahaadeeth - and it is a perfectly
acceptable reason, for Allaah does not burden a soul with more than it can bear
- it is not permissible to insult him for it, as some ignorant people have done.
In fact, it is obligatory to respect him, for he is one of the imaams of the
Muslims through whom this Deen has been preserved and handed down to us, in all
its branches; also, for he is rewarded under any circumstance: whether he is
correct or wrong. Nor is it permissible for his devotees to continue sticking to
those of his statements which contradict the authentic ahaadeeth, for those
statements are effectively not part of his Madhhab, as the above sayings show.
Hence, these are two extremes, and the truth lies in between. "Our Lord! Forgive
us, and our brethren who came before us into the Faith; and leave not, in our
hearts, any rancour against those who have believed. Our Lord! You are indeed
Full of Kindness, Most Merciful." (Al-Hashr 59:10)
27 Al-Fulaani in Eeqaaz al-Himam (p. 50), tracing it to Imaam Muhammad and
then saying, "This does not apply to the mujtahid, for he is not bound to their
views anyway, but it applies to the muqallid."
Sha'raani expanded on that in Al-Meezaan (1/26):
"If it is said: `What should I do with the ahaadeeth which my Imaam did not
use, and which were found to be authentic after his death?' The answer which is
fitting for you is: `That you act on them, for had your Imaam come across them
and found them to be authentic, he would have instructed you to act on them,
because all the Imaams were captives in the hand of the Sharee'ah.' He who does
so will have gathered all the good with both his hands, but he who says, `I will
not act according to a hadeeth unless my Imaam did so', he will miss a great
amount of benefit, as is the case with many followers of the Imaams of the
Madhhabs. It would be better for them to act on every hadeeth found to be
authentic after the Imaam's time, hence implementing the will of the Imaams; for
it is our firm belief about the Imaams that had they lived longer and come to
know of those ahaadeeth which were found authentic after their time, they would
have definitely accepted and acted according to them, ignoring any analogies
they may have previously made, and any views they may have previously held."
28 Ibn `Abdul Barr in Jaami' Bayaan al-'Ilm (2/32), Ibn Hazm, quoting from
the former in Usool al-Ahkaam (6/149), & similarly Al-Fulaani (p. 72)
29 This iswell known among the later scholars to be a saying of Maalik. Ibn
`Abdul Haadi declared it saheeh in Irshaad as- Saalik (227/1); Ibn `Abdul Barr
in Jaami' Bayaan al-'Ilm (2/91) & Ibn Hazm in Usool al-Ahkaam (6/145, 179)
had narrated it as a saying of Al-Hakam ibn `Utaibah and Mujaahid; Taqi ad- Deen
as-Subki gave it, delighted with its beauty, in al- Fataawaa (1/148) as a saying
of Ibn `Abbaas, and then said: "These words were originally those of Ibn `Abbaas
and Mujaahid, from whom Maalik (radi Allaahu `anhu) took them, and he became
famous for them." It seems that Imaam Ahmad then took this saying from them, as
Abu Daawood has said in Masaa'il of Imaam Ahmad (p. 276): "I heard Ahmad say,
`Everyone is accepted and rejected in his opinions, with the exception of the
Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam)'."
30 From the Introduction to Al-Jarh wat-Ta'deel of Ibn Abi Haatim, pp.
31-2.
31 Ibn Hazm says in Usool al-Ahkaam (6/118):
"Indeed, all the fuqahaa' whose opinions are followed were opposed to
taqleed, and they forbade their companions from following their opinion blindly.
The sternest among them in this regard was Shaafi'i (rahimahullaah), for he
repeatedly emphasised, more than anyone else, following the authentic narrations
and accepting whatever the proof dictated; he also made himself innocent of
being followed totally, and announced this to those around him. May this benefit
him in front of Allaah, and may his reward be of the highest, for he was the
cause of great good."
32 Related by Haakim with a continuous sanad up to Shaafi'i, as in Taareekh
Dimashq of Ibn `Asaakir (15/1/3), I'laam al- Mooqi'een (2/363, 364) & Eeqaaz
(p. 100).
33 Ar.: halaal
34 Ibn al-Qayyim (2/361) & Fulaani (p. 68) 35 Harawi in Dhamm al-Kalaam
(3/47/1), Khateeb in Al-Ihtijaaj bi ash-Shaafi'i (8/2), Ibn `Asaakir (15/9/10),
Nawawi in Al- Majmoo' (1/63), Ibn al-Qayyim (2/361) & Fulaani (p. 100); the
second narration is from Hilyah al-Awliyaa' of Abu Nu'aim. 36 Nawawi in
Al-Majmoo' (1/63), Sha'raani (1/57), giving its sources as Haakim and Baihaqi,
& Fulaani (p. 107). Sha'raani said, "Ibn Hazm said, `That is, ... found to
be saheeh by him or by any other Imaam'." His saying given next confirms this
understanding.
Nawawi says: "Our companions acted according to this in the matter of
tathweeb (calling to prayer in addition to the adhaan), the conditions on coming
out of ihraam due to illness, and other issues well-known in the books of the
Madhhab. Among those of our companions who are reported to have passed judgment
on the basis of the hadeeth (i.e. rather than the saying of Shaafi'i) are Abu
Ya'qoob al-Buweeti and Abu l-Qaasim ad-Daariki. Of our companions from the
muhadditheen, Imaam Abu Bakr Al-Baihaqi and others employed this approach. Many
of our earliest companions, if they faced an issue for which there was a
hadeeth, and the madhhab of Shaafi'i was contrary to it, would act according to
the hadeeth and give verdicts based on it, saying, `The madhhab of Shaafi'i is
whatever agrees with the hadeeth.' Shaikh Abu `Amr (Ibn as-Salaah) says,
`Whoever among the Shaafi'is found a hadeeth contradicting his Madhhab, he would
consider whether he fulfilled the conditions of ijtihaad generally, or in that
particular topic or issue, in which case he would be free to act on the hadeeth;
if not, but nevertheless he found it hard to contradict the hadeeth after
further analysis, he would not be able to find a convincing justification for
opposing the hadeeth. Hence, it would be left for him to act according to the
hadeeth if an independent imaam other than Shaafi'i had acted on it, and this
would be justification for his leaving the Madhhab of his Imaam in that issue.'
What he (Abu `Amr) has said is correct and established. Allaah knows best."
There is another possibility which Ibn as-Salaah forgot to mention: what
would one do if he did not find anyone else who acted according to the hadeeth?
This has been answered by Taqi ad-Deen as-Subki in his article, The Meaning of
Shaafi'i's saying, "When a hadeeth is found to be saheeh, then that is my
madhhab" (p. 102, vol. 3): "For me, the best thing is to follow the hadeeth. A
person should imagine himself in front of the Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa
sallam), just having heard it from him: would there be leeway for him to delay
acting on it? No, by Allaah ... and everyone bears a responsibility according to
his understanding."
The rest of this discussion is given and analysed in I'laam al- Muwaqqi'een
(2/302, 370) and in the book of al-Fulaane, (full title Eeqaaz Himam ulu
l-Absaar, lil-Iqtidaa' bi Sayyid al- Muhaajireen wal-Ansaar, wa Tahdheeruhum `an
al-Ibtidaa' ash- Shaa'i' fi l-Quraa wal-Amsaar, min Taqleed al-Madhaahib ma'a l-
Hamiyyah wal-'Asabiyyah bain al-Fuqahaa' al-A'saar (Awakening the Minds of those
who have Perception, towards following the Leader of the Emigrants and Helpers,
and Warning them against the Innovation Widespread among Contemporary Jurists in
the Towns and Cities, of following Madhhabs with Zeal and Party- Spirit). The
latter is a unique book in its field, which every desirer of truth should study
with understanding and reflection. 37 addressing Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal
(rahimahullaah).
38 Related by Ibn Abi Haatim in Aadaab ash-Shaafi'i (pp. 94-5), Abu Nu'aim in
Hulyah al-Awliyaa' (9/106), al-Khateeb in Al- Ihtijaaj bish-Shaafi'i (8/1), and
from him Ibn `Asaakir (15/9/1), Ibn `Abdul Barr in al-Intiqaa' (p. 75), Ibn
al-Jawzi in Manaaqib al-Imaam Ahmad (p. 499) & Harawi (2/47/2) with three
routes from `Abdullaah ibn Ahmad ibn Hanbal from his father that Shaafi'i said
to him: ...etc; thus, it is authentic on the authority of Shaafi'i. This is why
Ibn al- Qayyim attributed it definitely to him in I'laam (2/325), as did Fulaani
in Eeqaaz (p. 152) and then said: "Baihaqi said, `This is why he - i.e. Shaafi'i
- used hadeeth so much, because he gathered knowledge from the people of Hijaaz,
Syria, Yemen and `Iraq, and so accepted all that he found to be authentic,
without leaning towards or looking at what he had considered out of the Madhhab
of the people of his land when the truth was clear to him elsewhere. Some of
those before him would limit themselves to what they found in the Madhhab of the
people of their land, without attempting to ascertain the authenticity of what
opposed it. May Allaah forgive all of us'."
39 Abu Nu'aim (9/107), Harawi (47/1), Ibn al-Qayyim in I'laam al-Muwaqqi'een
(2/363) & Fulaani (p. 104).
40 Ibn Abi Haatim in al-Aadaab (p. 93), Abul Qaasim Samarqandi in al-Amaali,
as in the selection from it by Abu Hafs al- Mu'addab (234/1), Abu Nu'aim (9/106)
& Ibn `Asaakir (15/10/1) with a saheeh sanad.
41 Ibn Abi Haatim, Abu Nu'aim & Ibn `Asaakir (15/9/2).
42 Ibn Abi Haatim (pp. 93-4).
43 Ibn al-Jawzi in al-Manaaqib (p. 192)
44 Fulaani (p. 113) & Ibn al-Qayyim in I'laam (2/302).
45 Ar.: ittibaa'
46 Abu Daawood in Masaa'il of Imaam Ahmad (pp. 276-7)
47 Ibn `Abdul Barr in Jaami' Bayaan al-'Ilm (2/149).
48 Ibn al-Jawzi (p. 182)2)
Abu Haneefah (rahimahullaah)
The first of them is Abu Haneefah Nu'maan ibn Thaabit, whose companions have
narrated from him various sayings and diverse warnings, all of them leading to
one thing: the obligation to accept the Hadeeth, and to give up following the
opinions of the imaams which contradict it:
1. "When a hadeeth is found to be saheeh, then that is my madhhab."[20]
2. "It is not permitted[21] for anyone to accept our views if they do not
know from where we got them."[22]
In one narration, "It is prohibited[23] for someone who does not know my
evidence to give verdicts[24] on the basis of my words."
Another narration adds, "... for we are mortals: we say one thing one day,
and take it back the next day."
In another narration, "Woe to you, O Ya'qub[25]! Do not write down everything
you hear from me, for it happens that I hold one opinion today and reject it
tomorrow, or hold one opinion tomorrow and reject it the day after
tomorrow."[26]
3. "When I say something contradicting the Book of Allaah the Exalted or what
is narrated from the Messenger (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam), then ignore my
saying."[27]
Maalik ibn Anas (rahimahullaah
As for Imaam Maalik ibn Anas, he said:
1. "Truly I am only a mortal: I make mistakes (sometimes) and I am correct
(sometimes). Therefore, look into my opinions: all that agrees with the Book and
the Sunnah, accept it; and all that does not agree with the Book and the Sunnah,
ignore it."[28]
2. "Everyone after the Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) will have his
sayings accepted and rejected - not so the Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa
sallam)."[29]
3. Ibn Wahb said: "I heard Maalik being asked
about cleaning between the toes during ablution. He said, `The people do not
have to do that.' I did not approach him until the crowd had lessened, when I
said to him, `We know of a sunnah about that.' He said, `What is that ?' I said,
`Laith ibn Sa'd, Ibn Lahee'ah and `Amr ibn al-Haarith narrated to us from Yazeed
ibn `Amr al-Ma'aafiri from Abu `Abdur-Rahman al-Hubuli from Mustawrid ibn
Shaddaad al-Qurashi who said, `I saw the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu
`alaihi wa sallam) rubbing between his toes with his little finger.' He said,
`This hadeeth is sound; I had not heard of it at all until now.' Afterwards, I
heard him being asked about the same thing, on which he ordered cleaning between
the toes."[30]
Shaafi'i (rahimahullaah)
As for Imaam Shaafi'i, the quotations from him are most numerous and
beautiful[31], and his followers were the best in sticking to them:
1. "The sunnahs of the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam)
reach, as well as escape from, every one of us. So whenever I voice my opinion,
or formulate a principle, where something contrary to my view exists on the
authority of the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam), then the
correct view is what the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) has
said, and it is my view."[32]
2. "The Muslims are unanimously agreed that if a sunnah of the Messenger of
Allaah (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) is made clear to someone, it is not
permitted[33] for him to leave it for the saying of anyone else."[34]
3. "If you find in my writings something different to the Sunnah of the
Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam), then speak on the basis of
the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam), and leave
what I have said."
In one narration: "... then follow it (the Sunnah), and do not look sideways
at anyone else's saying."[35]
4. "When a hadeeth is found to be saheeh, then that is my madhhab."[36]
5. "You[37] are more knowledgeable about Hadeeth than I, so when a hadeeth is
saheeh, inform me of it, whether it is from Kufah, Basrah or Syria, so that I
may take the view of the hadeeth, as long as it is saheeh."[38]
6. "In every issue where the people of narration find a report from the
Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) to be saheeh which is
contrary to what I have said, then I take my saying back, whether during my life
or after my death."[39]
7. "If you see me saying something, and contrary to it is
authentically-reported from the Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam), then
know that my intelligence has departed."[40]
8. "For everything I say, if there is something authentic from the Prophet
(sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) contrary to my saying, then the hadeeth of the
Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) comes first, so do not follow my
opinion."[41]
9. "Every statement on the authority of the Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa
sallam) is also my view, even if you do not hear it from me."[42]
>Ahmad ibn Hanbal (rahimahullaah) >
Imaam Ahmad was the foremost among the Imaams in collecting the Sunnah and
sticking to it, so much so that he even "disliked that a book consisting of
deductions and opinions be written."[43] Because of this he said:
1. "Do not follow my opinion; neither follow the opinion of Maalik, nor
Shaafi'i, nor Awzaa'i, nor Thawri, but take from where they took."[44]
In one narration: "Do not copy your Deen from anyone of these, but whatever
comes from the Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) and his Companions, take
it; next are their Successors, where a man has a choice."
Once he said: "Following[45] means that a man follows what comes from the
Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) and his Companions; after the
Successors, he has a choice."[46]
2. "The opinion of Awzaa'i, the opinion of Maalik, the opinion of Abu
Haneefah: all of it is opinion, and it is all equal in my eyes. However, the
proof is in the narrations (from the Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) and
his Companions)."[47]
3. "Whoever rejects a statement of the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu
`alaihi wa sallam) is on the brink of destruction."[48]
SHAYKH SAALIH AL-FAWZAAN was
asked: Is it permissible for one who sticks to a particular madhhab in
matters of worship, to turn away from it and stick to another madhhab whenever
he wants? Or is it binding upon a Muslim to stick to just one madhhab until he
dies? And is there a difference in how the Prayer should be performed between
the four madhhabs or not? And what has been related from the Prophet sallallaahu
alayhi wa sallam concerning how the Prayer should be prayed?
The Shaykh, hafidhahullaah, responded: The issue of sticking to a madhhab has
in it some detail. If a person has the ability to know the ruling from its
proof, and to deduce the ruling from its proof, then it is not permitted for him
to cling to a madhhab. rather, it is upon him to take the ruling from the
evidence - if he has the ability to do so. However, this is rare amongst the
people, since this is a quality of the mujtahideen from the people of knowledge;
those that have reaced the levels of ijtihaad. As for one who is not like that,
then he cannot take the rulings directly from the evidences. And this is the
predominant case amongst the people, especially in these latter times. So [in
such a case] there is no harm in adopting one of the four madhhabs and making
taqleed of one of them. However, he should not make blind taqleed such that he
takes all that is in the madhhab; whether it is correct or incorrect. Rather, it
is upon him to take from the madhhab that which - in his view - does not clearly
oppose the evidence. As for those views in the madhhab which clearly oppose the
evidence, then it is not permissible for the Muslim to take it. Rather it is
upon him to adopt what is established by the proof, even if it is in another
madhhab So his leaving the madhhab for another madhhab in order to follow the
evidence is something good; this is a matter which is good - rather it is
obligatory;since following the evidence is an madhhab in order to follow the
evidence is something good; this is a matter which is good - rather it is
obligatory;since following the evidence is an obligation.
As for adopting one madhhab sometimes and another at other times, then this
moving is from the angle of following ones desires and seeking concessions, and
this is not permissible. Meaning, that whatever accords with ones whims and
desires, from the sayings of the people of knowledge, is taken - even if it
opposes the proof; and whatever opposes ones whims and desires is left - even if
it has a proof. This is the following of whims and desires, and we seek refuge
in Allaah [from that]. Thus, moving from one madhhab to another, due to
following ones desires, or due to ease or seeking concession; then this is not
permissible. As for moving from one madhhab to another due to following an
evidence, or to flee from a saying that does not have a proof, or from an
erroneous view - then this is a matter that is encouraged and sought from a
Muslim. And Allaah knows best.
As for the issue concerning the differences between the four madhhabs in the
Prayer, then the four madhhabs - and all praise is for Allaah - are in Prayer,
then the four madhhabs - and all praise is for Allaah - are in agreement about
most of the rulings concerning the Prayer, in general. Their differences are in
some of the details of the Prayer. From [such differences] are, for example,
that [one of them] may consider something to be prescribed, whilst another may
not consider it to be prescribed; one may consider something to be obligatory,
whilst another may consider it to be recommended; and so on. So the differences
are in the details of the Prayer. But as for the rulings of the Prayer in
general, then there is no difference - and all praise is for Allaah
FOOT NOTES
20 Ibn `Aabideen in al-Haashiyah (1/63), and in his essay Rasm al-Mufti (1/4
from the Compilation of the Essays of Ibn `Aabideen), Shaikh Saalih al-Fulaani
in Eeqaaz al-Himam (p. 62) & others. Ibn `Aabideen quoted from Sharh
al-Hidaayah by Ibn al-Shahnah al-Kabeer, the teacher of Ibn al-Humaam, as
follows:
"When a hadeeth contrary to the Madhhab is found to be saheeh, one should act
on the hadeeth, and make that his madhhab. Acting on the hadeeth will not
invalidate the follower's being a Hanafi, for it is authentically reported that
Abu Haneefah said, `When a hadeeth is found to be saheeh, then that is my
madhhab', and this has been related by Imaam Ibn `Abdul Barr from Abu Haneefah
and from other imaams."
This is part of the completeness of the knowledge and piety of the Imaams,
for they indicated by saying this that they were not versed in the whole of the
Sunnah, and Imaam Shaafi'i has elucidated this thoroughly (see later). It would
happen that they would contradict a sunnah because they were unaware of it, so
they commanded us to stick to the Sunnah and regard it as part of their Madhhab.
May Allaah shower His mercy on them all.
21Ar.: halaal
22 Ibn `Abdul Barr in Al-Intiqaa' fi Fadaa'il ath-Thalaathah al- A'immah
al-Fuqahaa' (p. 145), Ibn al-Qayyim in I'laam al- Mooqi'een (2/309), Ibn
`Aabideen in his Footnotes on Al-Bahr ar-Raa'iq (6/293) and in Rasm al-Mufti
(pp. 29,32) & Sha'raani in Al-Meezaan (1/55) with the second narration. The
last narration was collected by `Abbaas ad-Dawri in At- Taareekh by Ibn Ma'een
(6/77/1) with a saheeh sanad on the authority of Zafar, the student of Imaam Abu
Haneefah. Similar narrations exist on the authority of Abu Haneefah's companions
Zafar, Abu Yoosuf and `Aafiyah ibn Yazeed; cf. Eeqaaz (p. 52). Ibn al-Qayyim
firmly certified its authenticity on the authority of Abu Yoosuf in I'laam
al-Mooqi'een (2/344). The addition to the second narration is referenced by the
editor of Eeqaaz (p. 65) to Ibn `Abdul Barr, Ibn al-Qayyim and others.
If this is what they say of someone who does not know their evidence, what
would be their response to one who knows that the evidence contradicts their
saying, but still gives verdicts opposed to the evidence?! Therefore, reflect on
this saying, for it alone is enough to smash blind following of opinion; that is
why one of the muqallid shaikhs, when I criticised his giving a verdict using
Abu Haneefah's words without knowing the evidence, refused to believe that it
was a saying of Abu Haneefah!
23 Ar.:haraam
24 Ar.: fatwaa
25 i.e. Imaam Abu Haneefah's illustrious student, Abu Yoosuf (rahimahullaah).
26 This was because the Imaam would often base his view on Qiyaas (Analogy),
after which a more potent analogy would occur to him, or a hadeeth of the
Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam) would reach him, so he would accept that
and ignore his previous view. Sha'raani's words in Al-Meezaan (1/62) are
summarised as:
"Our belief, as well as that of every researcher into Imaam Abu Haneefah
(radi Allaahu `anhu), is that, had he lived until the recording of the
Sharee'ah, and the journeys of the Preservers of Hadeeth to the various cities
and frontiers in order to collect and acquire it, he would have accepted it and
ignored all the analogies he had employed. The amount of qiyaas in his Madhhab
would have been just as little as that in other Madhhabs, but since the
evidences of the Sharee'ah had been scattered with the Successors and their
successors, and had not been collected in his lifetime, it was necessary that
there be a lot of qiyaas in his Madhhab compared to that of other imaams. The
later scholars then made their journeys to find and collect ahaadeeth from the
various cities and towns and wrote them down; hence, some ahaadeeth of the
Sharee'ah explained others. This is the reason behind the large amount of qiyaas
in his Madhhab, whereas there was little of it in other Madhhabs."
Abul-Hasanaat Al-Lucknowi quoted his words in full in An- Naafi' al-Kabeer
(p. 135), endorsing and expanding on it in his footnotes, so whoever wishes to
consult it should do so there.
Since this is the justification for why Abu Haneefah has sometimes
unintentionally contradicted the authentic ahaadeeth - and it is a perfectly
acceptable reason, for Allaah does not burden a soul with more than it can bear
- it is not permissible to insult him for it, as some ignorant people have done.
In fact, it is obligatory to respect him, for he is one of the imaams of the
Muslims through whom this Deen has been preserved and handed down to us, in all
its branches; also, for he is rewarded under any circumstance: whether he is
correct or wrong. Nor is it permissible for his devotees to continue sticking to
those of his statements which contradict the authentic ahaadeeth, for those
statements are effectively not part of his Madhhab, as the above sayings show.
Hence, these are two extremes, and the truth lies in between. "Our Lord! Forgive
us, and our brethren who came before us into the Faith; and leave not, in our
hearts, any rancour against those who have believed. Our Lord! You are indeed
Full of Kindness, Most Merciful." (Al-Hashr 59:10)
27 Al-Fulaani in Eeqaaz al-Himam (p. 50), tracing it to Imaam Muhammad and
then saying, "This does not apply to the mujtahid, for he is not bound to their
views anyway, but it applies to the muqallid."
Sha'raani expanded on that in Al-Meezaan (1/26):
"If it is said: `What should I do with the ahaadeeth which my Imaam did not
use, and which were found to be authentic after his death?' The answer which is
fitting for you is: `That you act on them, for had your Imaam come across them
and found them to be authentic, he would have instructed you to act on them,
because all the Imaams were captives in the hand of the Sharee'ah.' He who does
so will have gathered all the good with both his hands, but he who says, `I will
not act according to a hadeeth unless my Imaam did so', he will miss a great
amount of benefit, as is the case with many followers of the Imaams of the
Madhhabs. It would be better for them to act on every hadeeth found to be
authentic after the Imaam's time, hence implementing the will of the Imaams; for
it is our firm belief about the Imaams that had they lived longer and come to
know of those ahaadeeth which were found authentic after their time, they would
have definitely accepted and acted according to them, ignoring any analogies
they may have previously made, and any views they may have previously held."
28 Ibn `Abdul Barr in Jaami' Bayaan al-'Ilm (2/32), Ibn Hazm, quoting from
the former in Usool al-Ahkaam (6/149), & similarly Al-Fulaani (p. 72)
29 This iswell known among the later scholars to be a saying of Maalik. Ibn
`Abdul Haadi declared it saheeh in Irshaad as- Saalik (227/1); Ibn `Abdul Barr
in Jaami' Bayaan al-'Ilm (2/91) & Ibn Hazm in Usool al-Ahkaam (6/145, 179)
had narrated it as a saying of Al-Hakam ibn `Utaibah and Mujaahid; Taqi ad- Deen
as-Subki gave it, delighted with its beauty, in al- Fataawaa (1/148) as a saying
of Ibn `Abbaas, and then said: "These words were originally those of Ibn `Abbaas
and Mujaahid, from whom Maalik (radi Allaahu `anhu) took them, and he became
famous for them." It seems that Imaam Ahmad then took this saying from them, as
Abu Daawood has said in Masaa'il of Imaam Ahmad (p. 276): "I heard Ahmad say,
`Everyone is accepted and rejected in his opinions, with the exception of the
Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa sallam)'."
30 From the Introduction to Al-Jarh wat-Ta'deel of Ibn Abi Haatim, pp.
31-2.
31 Ibn Hazm says in Usool al-Ahkaam (6/118):
"Indeed, all the fuqahaa' whose opinions are followed were opposed to
taqleed, and they forbade their companions from following their opinion blindly.
The sternest among them in this regard was Shaafi'i (rahimahullaah), for he
repeatedly emphasised, more than anyone else, following the authentic narrations
and accepting whatever the proof dictated; he also made himself innocent of
being followed totally, and announced this to those around him. May this benefit
him in front of Allaah, and may his reward be of the highest, for he was the
cause of great good."
32 Related by Haakim with a continuous sanad up to Shaafi'i, as in Taareekh
Dimashq of Ibn `Asaakir (15/1/3), I'laam al- Mooqi'een (2/363, 364) & Eeqaaz
(p. 100).
33 Ar.: halaal
34 Ibn al-Qayyim (2/361) & Fulaani (p. 68) 35 Harawi in Dhamm al-Kalaam
(3/47/1), Khateeb in Al-Ihtijaaj bi ash-Shaafi'i (8/2), Ibn `Asaakir (15/9/10),
Nawawi in Al- Majmoo' (1/63), Ibn al-Qayyim (2/361) & Fulaani (p. 100); the
second narration is from Hilyah al-Awliyaa' of Abu Nu'aim. 36 Nawawi in
Al-Majmoo' (1/63), Sha'raani (1/57), giving its sources as Haakim and Baihaqi,
& Fulaani (p. 107). Sha'raani said, "Ibn Hazm said, `That is, ... found to
be saheeh by him or by any other Imaam'." His saying given next confirms this
understanding.
Nawawi says: "Our companions acted according to this in the matter of
tathweeb (calling to prayer in addition to the adhaan), the conditions on coming
out of ihraam due to illness, and other issues well-known in the books of the
Madhhab. Among those of our companions who are reported to have passed judgment
on the basis of the hadeeth (i.e. rather than the saying of Shaafi'i) are Abu
Ya'qoob al-Buweeti and Abu l-Qaasim ad-Daariki. Of our companions from the
muhadditheen, Imaam Abu Bakr Al-Baihaqi and others employed this approach. Many
of our earliest companions, if they faced an issue for which there was a
hadeeth, and the madhhab of Shaafi'i was contrary to it, would act according to
the hadeeth and give verdicts based on it, saying, `The madhhab of Shaafi'i is
whatever agrees with the hadeeth.' Shaikh Abu `Amr (Ibn as-Salaah) says,
`Whoever among the Shaafi'is found a hadeeth contradicting his Madhhab, he would
consider whether he fulfilled the conditions of ijtihaad generally, or in that
particular topic or issue, in which case he would be free to act on the hadeeth;
if not, but nevertheless he found it hard to contradict the hadeeth after
further analysis, he would not be able to find a convincing justification for
opposing the hadeeth. Hence, it would be left for him to act according to the
hadeeth if an independent imaam other than Shaafi'i had acted on it, and this
would be justification for his leaving the Madhhab of his Imaam in that issue.'
What he (Abu `Amr) has said is correct and established. Allaah knows best."
There is another possibility which Ibn as-Salaah forgot to mention: what
would one do if he did not find anyone else who acted according to the hadeeth?
This has been answered by Taqi ad-Deen as-Subki in his article, The Meaning of
Shaafi'i's saying, "When a hadeeth is found to be saheeh, then that is my
madhhab" (p. 102, vol. 3): "For me, the best thing is to follow the hadeeth. A
person should imagine himself in front of the Prophet (sallallaahu `alaihi wa
sallam), just having heard it from him: would there be leeway for him to delay
acting on it? No, by Allaah ... and everyone bears a responsibility according to
his understanding."
The rest of this discussion is given and analysed in I'laam al- Muwaqqi'een
(2/302, 370) and in the book of al-Fulaane, (full title Eeqaaz Himam ulu
l-Absaar, lil-Iqtidaa' bi Sayyid al- Muhaajireen wal-Ansaar, wa Tahdheeruhum `an
al-Ibtidaa' ash- Shaa'i' fi l-Quraa wal-Amsaar, min Taqleed al-Madhaahib ma'a l-
Hamiyyah wal-'Asabiyyah bain al-Fuqahaa' al-A'saar (Awakening the Minds of those
who have Perception, towards following the Leader of the Emigrants and Helpers,
and Warning them against the Innovation Widespread among Contemporary Jurists in
the Towns and Cities, of following Madhhabs with Zeal and Party- Spirit). The
latter is a unique book in its field, which every desirer of truth should study
with understanding and reflection. 37 addressing Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal
(rahimahullaah).
38 Related by Ibn Abi Haatim in Aadaab ash-Shaafi'i (pp. 94-5), Abu Nu'aim in
Hulyah al-Awliyaa' (9/106), al-Khateeb in Al- Ihtijaaj bish-Shaafi'i (8/1), and
from him Ibn `Asaakir (15/9/1), Ibn `Abdul Barr in al-Intiqaa' (p. 75), Ibn
al-Jawzi in Manaaqib al-Imaam Ahmad (p. 499) & Harawi (2/47/2) with three
routes from `Abdullaah ibn Ahmad ibn Hanbal from his father that Shaafi'i said
to him: ...etc; thus, it is authentic on the authority of Shaafi'i. This is why
Ibn al- Qayyim attributed it definitely to him in I'laam (2/325), as did Fulaani
in Eeqaaz (p. 152) and then said: "Baihaqi said, `This is why he - i.e. Shaafi'i
- used hadeeth so much, because he gathered knowledge from the people of Hijaaz,
Syria, Yemen and `Iraq, and so accepted all that he found to be authentic,
without leaning towards or looking at what he had considered out of the Madhhab
of the people of his land when the truth was clear to him elsewhere. Some of
those before him would limit themselves to what they found in the Madhhab of the
people of their land, without attempting to ascertain the authenticity of what
opposed it. May Allaah forgive all of us'."
39 Abu Nu'aim (9/107), Harawi (47/1), Ibn al-Qayyim in I'laam al-Muwaqqi'een
(2/363) & Fulaani (p. 104).
40 Ibn Abi Haatim in al-Aadaab (p. 93), Abul Qaasim Samarqandi in al-Amaali,
as in the selection from it by Abu Hafs al- Mu'addab (234/1), Abu Nu'aim (9/106)
& Ibn `Asaakir (15/10/1) with a saheeh sanad.
41 Ibn Abi Haatim, Abu Nu'aim & Ibn `Asaakir (15/9/2).
42 Ibn Abi Haatim (pp. 93-4).
43 Ibn al-Jawzi in al-Manaaqib (p. 192)
44 Fulaani (p. 113) & Ibn al-Qayyim in I'laam (2/302).
45 Ar.: ittibaa'
46 Abu Daawood in Masaa'il of Imaam Ahmad (pp. 276-7)
47 Ibn `Abdul Barr in Jaami' Bayaan al-'Ilm (2/149).
48 Ibn al-Jawzi (p. 182)2)
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Ash-Shaykh Basfar Hafidhahullah Reciting
http://english.islamway.com/sindex.php?section=erecitorslist&iw_a=view&id=319
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The Misguidance of Certain "Muslims"
‘Abd al-‘Azīz Ar-Rājihī1 on Suicidal Acts of “Martyrdom”
Question: Many people talk about acts of “martyrdom” that are carried out in Palestine
and other places. So what is the ruling of actions like these?
Answer: Regarding such actions, I heard the honorable Shaykh Abd al-‘Azīz Ibn Bāz,
may Allāh have mercy on him, pass a religious verdict that they are considered nothing
but suicide and that it’s forbidden for a person to strap explosives to himself and then
detonate them because this is suicide combined with murder.(al-Ibāanah al-Sughrá by Ibn Baṭṭah)
----------------
Ibn al-‘Uthaymīn on Suicide-Bombings
Question:
Some people say it is permissible to carry out suicidal acts of Jihād such as they do by
rigging a car with explosives and then storming into the middle of an enemy, all the while
the perpetrator knows that he too is certain to die.
Answer:
My opinion of this is that it is nothing but suicide and that such a person will be punished
in Hell just as has been authentically reported from the prophet (pbuh)
…I believe that there is no excuse for one who commits this during our time because it is
an ill-famed, modern-day form of suicide that’s become widespread among people. So as
such, it is incumbent upon every person to ask the people of knowledge regarding such
acts so that correct guidance may be distinguished from sin. It is amazing that these
people even kill themselves (along with others) when Allāh has clearly forbidden that,
saying:
And do not kill yourselves. Indeed, Allāh is merciful to you all.
[Sūrah al-Nisā’, 4:29]
And most of these people want nothing more than revenge on their enemies no matter
how they achieve it – whether by permissible or forbidden means. They want nothing but
to relieve their thirst for revenge. We ask Allāh to give us the correct insight in applying
His religion and in doing acts that please Him. He is capable of anything. (Taken from a conversation with Shaykh Muḥammad Ibn Ṣāliḥ al-‘Uthaymīn published by Al-
Da’wah Magazine (issue no. 1598, 2/28/1418 Hijrah which corresponds to 7/3/1997)
---------------
Suicide Bombings are completely forbidden according to these well known Scholars.
May Allah protect the Muslims from deviance and corruption.
And Allah knows Best.
What Is Your Beloved?
"I've come to know that every being has a loved one, yet they leave you at the time of death so I made my beloved my good deeds."
-Al-Haatim
-Al-Haatim
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Husband and Wife From Muslim Matters
(see bottom half for tips by the same author for Wives with regards to their Husbands)
For the Husbands:
How to Score BIG with Women: a Psychological and Islamic approach for Men
October 25th, 2010
By Haleh Banani, M.A. Clinical Psychology
Every man dreams of having a woman who can please him on many different levels. One that fulfills his desires, stimulates him intellectually and soars with him to new spiritual heights. A unique woman that will not only be a source of comfort, but also a source of strength. It is very easy to dream and have expectations of your spouse but what do YOU have to do in order to attract a woman with these qualities and keep her giving at that level?
Generally, men are quite puzzled by women. They are not sure what to do or say to please the women in their lives. Whatever they do seems to get them in trouble. Since most men have this confusion, they simply stop trying. This lack of effort from men creates frustration and discontentment. Most women feel extremely dissatisfied in their marriage. Within my practice as a marriage therapist, I have heard from dozens of women who have a long list of complaints about their husbands. These complaints lead to deep rooted unhappiness and many times divorce.
Top 5 complaints of women about their husbands
Communication
Financial issues
Sex
Lack of compassion
Too strict/too jealous
Communication
Almost every couple I have ever done marriage counseling with has complained about problems in communication. Most of the time women complain that their husband does not share his feelings, he shuts off, he doesn’t listen and he doesn’t know how to ask for what he wants in a diplomatic way. Lack of communication or miscommunication is the bulk of the problem in most marriages. If people don’t know how to get their message across, how to listen or how to resolve conflicts they will face perpetual problems in their lives. Here are some suggestions in effective communication skills:
Make I statements…. never start the sentence with YOU. Say: “I feel neglected when you don’t prepare dinner” rather than saying, “You never prepare dinner.”
Always keep your voice down and refrain from name calling.
Seek first to understand then to be understood. Tough one, but very effective!
Share your thoughts and feelings with your spouse to make her feel a part of your world. Don’t shut her out or else she will feel extremely insecure and suspicious.
Don’t give one word answers – try to elaborate and fulfill her need to know. She shows you she cares by asking many questions.
Listen attentively – that means no checking emails while she talks and no watching T.V.
Simply look in her eyes, listen and acknowledge her. Women loved to be looked at!
Give your wife compliments on everything you like about her – she needs constant reassurance on her beauty, on your love for her, on her cooking. Say it again and again with a smile. It will never get old!
Validate her feelings – say things to make her feel understood. Tell her you understand that she is sad, that she has a right to feel hurt or neglected. The worst thing you could ever do is tell a woman she is wrong to feel a certain way.
Ask for things with gentleness and kindness without being harsh or demanding. If a woman feels like she is being told what to do and how to do it – she will resist. If she is asked kindly and made to feel special she will rush to do it to in order to fulfill her need to please others.
Never compare her to Anyone to get her to change. This is detrimental to the relationship, brings about hostility and a feeling of inadequacy. If you want her to improve in any given area compliment what she is already doing right.
Financial Issues
Each person is brought up with different views and experiences with money. Some are brought up in affluent families that spend frivolously while others come from more modest backgrounds that are trained to save. When individuals with such striking differences unite there is bound to be tension and arguments. That is why money is one of the biggest reasons people fight and even get a divorce. Here are some suggestions for peacefully dealing with money issues.
Learn about each other’s view of money. Become acquainted with their experience with money in order to better understand each other.
Discuss openly issues or concerns you have about your financial situations.
Avoid getting into debt at all cost. If you can’t afford it – just don’t buy it. Simple as that.
Set a budget together and try your best to stick to it. If you slip, and go over the budget, quickly get back on track.
Increase your knowledge about resolving financial problems by reading books, attending seminars or listening to CDs.
Be honest and never hide or deceive your partner about financial issues because it could really damage the trust.
Try to compromise and come up with a win/win solution when you disagree.
Agree to disagree.
Consider the pros and cons of having a two house income or even having a part time job that can help alleviate the financial burden.
Save….Save….Save! You never know what the future holds so always be prepared.
Sex
The area of a couple’s life which offers the most potential for embarrassment, hurt, and rejection is sex. The majority of couples I have done therapy with have had issues in this area of their life. It is such an essential part of the marriage and yet very few couples ever talk about it. The goal of sex is to be closer, to have more fun, to feel satisfied, and to feel valued and accepted in this very tender area of your marriage. “Your wives are a tilth unto you; so go to your tilth when or how you will.” [Qur'an 2:223] Here are some suggestions to having a more satisfying sex life.
Fulfill your wife emotionally so that she can be receptive to you. Women shut off sexually if they don’t feel loved, appreciated or desired.
Set the mood…light candles, make dinner, give a massage, get flowers or anything that makes her feel special and loved.
Prolong foreplay. Make sure she is ready.
Take your time and don’t rush her.
Share your likes and dislikes in a gentle, positive way making her feel safe. Instead of saying you never do such and such say: I loved it when you…..or I would love it if you would….
Never criticize or make fun when getting intimate.
Always accentuate the positive – make your suggestions in a way that you are making a good thing even better. Even if you are dissatisfied don’t let her feel it.
When receiving your partner’s request, try not to see it as criticism. Have the attitude of a professional chef that is not insulted if a customer doesn’t crave a particular meal, but makes accommodations that will satisfy the customer’s palate.
Make her feel attractive and desired. The more you give her compliments, the more confident she will feel which will help her to relax and enjoy.
Make sure you try to fulfill her first in order to create a strong, positive association to intimacy.
Lack of Compassion
Men have different ways of expressing their feelings and emotions. Some express their love and concern for the family by simply working hard and providing the very best. They feel that the time they spend at work is an emotional deposit because they are putting so much effort so that their family can be comfortable. Unfortunately, this form of expression of love is generally not sufficient for most women. Women expect the men in their lives to connect with them on an emotional level, provide support and have fun together. The best of you are those who are the best to their wives.” (at-Tirmidhi)
Here are some suggestions in showing compassion so that you can connect with your wife on an emotional level.
Tell your wife you love her daily – don’t make it just a once a year event.
Never enter or leave the house without a proper greeting. Let her feel that you are happy to see her and that you will miss her when you leave.
Make daily deposits in your emotional bank account with your wife by being understanding, forgiving, cooperative and by using words of endearment.
Call your wife or send sweet messages during the day. “…And live with them in kindness…” (Nisaa 4:19)
Eat at least one meal a day together and spend time sharing what you have done.
Give lots of compliments.
If she is feeling sad or angry, show her love and compassion by hugging her. If she says she doesn’t want to talk about it, she doesn’t mean it… you just have to insist sweetly.
Learn to apologize. Even if you were not wrong apologize for making her feel bad. Win her heart not the argument! Amazing what two little words (I’m sorry) can do.
Get her gifts and flowers so she feels that you thought of her. It doesn’t have to be something expensive – just a gesture that you were thinking of her. And do good. Truly, Allah loves the good-doers (Baqara 2:195)
Be supportive and helpful with the kids. Offer to take care of the kids while she does something (anything) for herself. If she has the chance to recharge she will be a much better wife and a nicer mom!
Too Strict or Too Jealous
It is understandable that a man feels responsible for his wife and wants to make sure that she does not exceed beyond the boundaries that Allah has established. “Everyone of you is a guardian and responsible for those in his charge; the man, in his home, is a guardian and responsible for his household (Bukhari and Muslim). It takes diplomacy and gentleness to set guidelines without coming across as too strict and unreasonable. It is always a little flattering when a husband becomes jealous, but when it becomes excessive it is unhealthy and a source of stress for women. There needs to be mutual trust and respect in order to live in harmony and peace. Here are some suggestions for maintaining boundaries without being too strict or too jealous.
Be a spouse to your wife not a father. Don’t treat her like a little girl with a long list of rules. If you treat her like a child she will act like one.
Give her space to make decisions – if you hold her too tight she will feel suffocated.
Respect her and treat her like a partner not an employee.
Trust her – don’t interrogate her for every little thing. Gently ask questions.
Be reasonable in setting boundaries – if you are too strict she will either resent you or not abide by them when you are not around.
Don’t assume anything – check your assumptions and verify before accusing her of anything.
Be kind and understanding so that your wife will happily try to please you. Don’t be a harsh dictator that needs to be overthrown.
If she dresses or acts inappropriately just talk to her, educate her and help her to understand. Make her feel that you are concerned about her. Never be forceful.
Try to make excuses when she falls short.
Be playful with your spouse if you feel some jealousy. Make her feel how much you are attracted to her, how appealing she is to you that you simply don’t want to share her. This will flatter her and make it more likely that she will be more careful.
When you become more sensitive to the needs of your wife and you put effort in supporting her and connecting with her you will reap the rewards of having a more content wife. A happier wife means a happier home which means more peace and tranquility for you. By becoming more aware of these common complaints and implementing the suggestions you will definitely score big with the woman in your life!
For The Wives:
Win His Heart: A Psychological Approach for WOMEN
November 3rd, 2010
Written by: Haleh Banani, MA Clinical Psychology
As women, we desire to have a deep emotional bond with our spouse. We want to be loved and adored. Our inner core is filled with contentment and happiness when we feel understood and appreciated. Making a wish list of traits we want our husband to have is effortless, but bringing out the best in him takes a lot of nurturing.
We need to nourish our spouse daily with love, support and understanding. As a therapist, I have seen numerous men who are disappointed in their marriages. Many are frustrated and confused. Here are some suggestions on improving your marriage.
Men’s Top 6 Requests of Their Wives
Be his friend
Show him respect
Fulfill his physical needs
Make him feel desired
Make him feel appreciated
Create variety
Be a friend
The most important aspect of a marriage is friendship. When there is friendship, any obstacle can be overcome. In the Quran, Allah refers to a man’s wife as his girlfriend in Surah Abasa 80:36 which reveals the type of relationship we need to have with our spouse.
John Gottman, a psychologist who specializes in marriage stability in the States, did a study on married couples and found the one element which determines whether or not couples stay together is friendship. Look at the beautiful examples of Khadija and Aisha (RA) and how they showered the Prophet (peace and salat upon him) with love, providing him with true companionship. Think about your best friend and how he or she became so special in your life. It probably had a lot to do with the amount of time and effort he or she made to get to know you and spend time with you. When was the last time you and your spouse had quality time together where the focus was just on having fun and sharing? An easy way to get started is:
Set a date night with your spouse and stick to it
Share likes, dislikes, dreams etc.
Your friends are people who accept you and make you feel happy. How accepting are you of your spouse? Are you always trying to change or nag him? These behaviors push a man away and doesn’t create positive associations to you. Try to hold off a bit before plunging into a long list of complaints about the kids and house chores right when he arrives.
In order to create or strengthen friendship in marriage, try doing the following:
Listen, listen, listen to him – I mean really listen without being distracted, without making lists in your mind as he talks and without watching T.V. Remember what he shares with you about his work, about his goals, etc.
Share the highlights of the day & be supportive and understanding,
Find out what his area of interests are, read about them and be prepared to discuss,
Always say please and thank you, no matter how long you have been married,
Eat at least 1 meal a day together,
Be forgiving – overlook his mistakes and flaws and train yourself to remember his positive traits ( everyone has some – you just have to focus on them),
Plan activities together (be it traveling together, playing tennis, walking, eating out, going out for movie nights – anything you both enjoy doing together),
Laugh together – don’t take your relationship so seriously all the time. Couples that can laugh together, stay together,
Have time to cuddle – being in close contact, hugging & caressing melts away the barriers, anger & frustrations. We all feel better after a nice, big hug,
Say nice things to each other – If you spoke to your friend the way you speak to your spouse would they remain your friend? Be honest with the answer,
Always make up before you sleep, and sleep at the same time. Don’t lead separate lives.
Show Respect
The need for men to be respected is so strong that when they are given ample respect, they flourish like a plant that has just been watered. When they are deprived of the respect, they wilt and harbor feelings of sadness and resentment. Many times women put a lot of time and effort in keeping the house clean, taking care of the kids and fulfilling all the “duties”, but because they fall short in showing their husbands respect, the husbands will shut down and not show appreciation for all that she has done. It is critical to be sensitive towards men and their feelings. Even though men may not be as expressive, they can and do get hurt and it is much harder for them to recover from hurt feelings.
Here are some ways to show respect:
Always speak with kindness and politeness, regardless of how long you have been married. Show the same (if not more) graciousness to your husband than you show your guests,
Never shout, call him names or use profanity,
Don’t be sarcastic with sensitive issues – if he has any weaknesses or shortcomings don’t crack a joke about it. Even if he doesn’t get mad, he may feel hurt inside,
Listen to his opinion and honor his requests – you will be rewarded in this world with a happy home and in the akhira insha’Allah,
Don’t have a power struggle with him. When women are demanding and aggressive it makes the men be harsh and rigid. If you show respect for the role that Allah has chosen for him he is more likely to be accommodating,
Show love and respect to his family and be a unifying force. Don’t be known in his family as the person who took him,
Respect his “alone time”, and allow him to unwind,
Ask his opinions and value them.
Fulfill His Physical Needs
Intimacy brings about a whole lot of mixed emotions. Some sisters are not interested at all, some can never get enough and others seem to use it as a way to manipulate their husbands. There really needs to be some frank talk about this subject because I have seen many marriages suffer and fall apart due to problems of intimacy.
Sisters, if you withhold sex from your spouse as either a way to get back at him or to control him, you are making a HUGE MISTAKE. Sex is not meant to be a manipulative tool; rather it is a way to bring a necessary fulfillment to you and your spouse. I have had therapy sessions with numerous men who are addicted to porn because their wives show no interest in them or in sex. Men will feel the urge to fulfill their physical needs and if their wife is never available or interested, then some men will be tempted to either get a second wife or pursue haram (forbidden) avenues. That is why it’s of paramount importance for women to learn how to satisfy their husbands and to be available for them.
Here are some suggestions to improve your intimate relations:
Talk about sex together – the majority of couples have never spoken about it so how can they possibly know what the other person’s likes or dislikes are?
Only encourage with loving words when intimate – never criticize or judge,
Never laugh at your spouse when they are vulnerable and baring it all,
Don’t put pressure on him to perform – a large majority of men have performance anxiety. The more you help him relax, the less stressed he will be, the better he will be able to perform,
Don’t make sex about having a baby – it will happen if it’s meant to be insha’Allah. None of this, “Quick, I’m ovulating” business. The more relaxed you both are, the more enjoyable it will be, which will increase the frequency and the likelihood of getting pregnant,
Ask about each other’s fantasies and as long as they are halal (permissible), then go for it – be accepting and non-judgmental when hearing each other’s fantasies
Your wives are a tilth for you so go to your tilth, Surah Baqara 223. Meaning that you can have sexual relations in any way you want with your spouse as long as it’s halal.
Initiate intimacy – don’t wait for your spouse to make the first move every time. Be proactive!
Be engaging during sex – don’t make him feel like you are doing him a favor,
Never fake your enjoyment or else he will never learn how to please you,
Communicate during intimacy sharing your likes, dislikes and give gentle directions.
Make Him Feel Appreciated
When a man gets married he enjoys being the center of his wife’s life. He loves all the attention, the special meals and having his wife exclusively to himself. Once children appear in the picture, everything changes for the man. Not only is he not center stage – he is not even on stage! He sees his wife completely absorbed with the new baby and as much as he loves and adores the child, he simply doesn’t want to be replaced by him.
There are so many times that men are made to feel neglected. Whether it’s because of the newborn baby, her demanding job or her never ending list of errands and voluntarism, men are being overlooked and pushed aside. Each man is craving his wife’s attention. The woman that knows how to shower her man with attention and appreciation will win his heart. In my practice, working with couples, I have discovered that most people either have no idea how to show appreciation or they mistakenly show it the way they would like to receive it.
So here are some practical and easy ways to show appreciation to your husband:
Greet him with a hug and a kiss when he arrives home. Men have a need to feel important,
Make him feel that you are glad that he is home- this will create a positive association to being home; therefore he will WANT to spend more time at home,
Get off the phone before he arrives,
Make sure the place is presentable,
Have a sumptuous dinner ready,
Verbalize that you appreciate his hard work and all that he provides,
Be happy – nothing shows appreciation like a content smile,
Be understanding when he has to stay late or has to travel,
Listen to him without multitasking – I know it’s hard for us sisters to sit still and just simply listen, but it’s so critical to make a man feel heard,
*LOOK ATTRACTIVE*
You can lounge around in your sweats all day long chillin’, but before your hubby gets home take 10 minutes to wear something attractive (depending on what he likes – some prefer jeans and a cute top, others prefer short skirts or dresses – find out what he enjoys) and dab some lipstick and mascara on.
Men are exposed to so many attractive women at work, at school, in the malls, on billboards, magazines and T.V. so in order to strengthen them to lower their gaze they need to have something worthwhile to come home to at night. You don’t have to be a supermodel to look presentable to your husband. Just spend a few minutes to fix your hair and accentuate your best assets. Keep in mind sisters, that many times when husbands come home from a long day at work they may not immediatly notice your effort to dress up for him, so gently draw his attention to your new dress, haircut or makeup and let him know you did it just for him.
Make Him Feel Desired
When was the last time you gave a compliment to your husband? And I’m not referring to compliments on how well he fixed the leaky faucet. I mean a compliment on his looks or personality that will bring on a genuine smile. It seems that the more comfortable we are with someone, the less polite and gracious we become. Does that make any sense? Each person desires attention and wants to feel attractive. The need to feel attractive increases as men age, they require more assurance that they are still desirable and worthwhile. There are two ways to make a man feel attractive: either tell him by giving him a compliment or show him that you are attracted to him. Here are some ways to show your attraction to your husband:
Take the time to look at him – deep in his eyes and have your eyes lock. There usually isn’t enough time to make eye contact and since everyone always has to be careful to lower their gaze in public, here is the chance to stare and be rewarded!
Smile affectionately,
Be generous in giving compliments – it’s amazing how a person will light up with kind words.
Be playful, flirt and make him feel like the most attractive person
Create Variety
Variety is always desirable. We enjoy an array of meals, an assortment of clothes and a selection of entertainment. This yearning for variety can be fulfilled even in marriage.
Here are some simple measures you can take to add a little zest and variety to yourself.
Get different hairstyles and change the shade of your hair color – make sure it is something he will like. Don’t go for shocking – always choose styles and colors that suit you the best. Don’t all of sudden choose jet black if you are blonde for the sake of creating variety – just go a few shades darker or lighter or get highlights.
Have a nice wardrobe for the house. ”What, dress up at home?” YES! You don’t need to be all decked out, but you need to have casual, nice clothes for around the house. Don’t just hang out in sweats, pajamas or tacky clothes at home and look your best when you go out.
Get monthly maintenance at the salon. You know the drill: waxing, bleaching, trimming.
Don’t just wait for a lady’s get-together or wedding to get these things done. Make him feel valued by looking well groomed at home for him.
Invest in nice lingerie – it’s not just for the honeymoon. If you want your honeymoon to last a lifetime have a selection of lingerie that you wear regularly. Select items that he would enjoy. Make sure that it looks flattering on you. Not everything that is seductive will look flattering so choose ones that enhance your best features. The secret is to look hot at home!
Try to create variety by getting intimate in different rooms (make sure you will not be unpleasantly surprised by a little visitor), alter the time of day that you get intimate (it doesn’t always have to be in the evenings) and try to be a little adventurous.
From time to time, go for an overnight stay anywhere without the kids- you will be amazed how a different setting will improve your love life.
As you strive to create a strong bond with your husband by being a true friend, you will become closer and more intimate. This intimacy will lead to a more satisfying and relaxed sexual relationship. With an ego that is showered with compliments, attention and appreciation, men will naturally feel more attractive and desired. As they start feeling debonair, they will be more intrigued by you and your versatility. You will create the variety which will break the monotony and have sparks flying. By investing the necessary time and effort into your marriage, you will be pleasantly rewarded with a more satisfied spouse and you will WIN HIS HEART!
Taken from Muslimmatterrs.org
http://muslimmatters.org/2010/10/25/psychology-from-islamic-perspective-how-to-score-big-with-women/
and
http://muslimmatters.org/2010/11/03/how-to-win-his-heart-a-psychological-approach-for-women/
And Allah Knows Best
For the Husbands:
How to Score BIG with Women: a Psychological and Islamic approach for Men
October 25th, 2010
By Haleh Banani, M.A. Clinical Psychology
Every man dreams of having a woman who can please him on many different levels. One that fulfills his desires, stimulates him intellectually and soars with him to new spiritual heights. A unique woman that will not only be a source of comfort, but also a source of strength. It is very easy to dream and have expectations of your spouse but what do YOU have to do in order to attract a woman with these qualities and keep her giving at that level?
Generally, men are quite puzzled by women. They are not sure what to do or say to please the women in their lives. Whatever they do seems to get them in trouble. Since most men have this confusion, they simply stop trying. This lack of effort from men creates frustration and discontentment. Most women feel extremely dissatisfied in their marriage. Within my practice as a marriage therapist, I have heard from dozens of women who have a long list of complaints about their husbands. These complaints lead to deep rooted unhappiness and many times divorce.
Top 5 complaints of women about their husbands
Communication
Financial issues
Sex
Lack of compassion
Too strict/too jealous
Communication
Almost every couple I have ever done marriage counseling with has complained about problems in communication. Most of the time women complain that their husband does not share his feelings, he shuts off, he doesn’t listen and he doesn’t know how to ask for what he wants in a diplomatic way. Lack of communication or miscommunication is the bulk of the problem in most marriages. If people don’t know how to get their message across, how to listen or how to resolve conflicts they will face perpetual problems in their lives. Here are some suggestions in effective communication skills:
Make I statements…. never start the sentence with YOU. Say: “I feel neglected when you don’t prepare dinner” rather than saying, “You never prepare dinner.”
Always keep your voice down and refrain from name calling.
Seek first to understand then to be understood. Tough one, but very effective!
Share your thoughts and feelings with your spouse to make her feel a part of your world. Don’t shut her out or else she will feel extremely insecure and suspicious.
Don’t give one word answers – try to elaborate and fulfill her need to know. She shows you she cares by asking many questions.
Listen attentively – that means no checking emails while she talks and no watching T.V.
Simply look in her eyes, listen and acknowledge her. Women loved to be looked at!
Give your wife compliments on everything you like about her – she needs constant reassurance on her beauty, on your love for her, on her cooking. Say it again and again with a smile. It will never get old!
Validate her feelings – say things to make her feel understood. Tell her you understand that she is sad, that she has a right to feel hurt or neglected. The worst thing you could ever do is tell a woman she is wrong to feel a certain way.
Ask for things with gentleness and kindness without being harsh or demanding. If a woman feels like she is being told what to do and how to do it – she will resist. If she is asked kindly and made to feel special she will rush to do it to in order to fulfill her need to please others.
Never compare her to Anyone to get her to change. This is detrimental to the relationship, brings about hostility and a feeling of inadequacy. If you want her to improve in any given area compliment what she is already doing right.
Financial Issues
Each person is brought up with different views and experiences with money. Some are brought up in affluent families that spend frivolously while others come from more modest backgrounds that are trained to save. When individuals with such striking differences unite there is bound to be tension and arguments. That is why money is one of the biggest reasons people fight and even get a divorce. Here are some suggestions for peacefully dealing with money issues.
Learn about each other’s view of money. Become acquainted with their experience with money in order to better understand each other.
Discuss openly issues or concerns you have about your financial situations.
Avoid getting into debt at all cost. If you can’t afford it – just don’t buy it. Simple as that.
Set a budget together and try your best to stick to it. If you slip, and go over the budget, quickly get back on track.
Increase your knowledge about resolving financial problems by reading books, attending seminars or listening to CDs.
Be honest and never hide or deceive your partner about financial issues because it could really damage the trust.
Try to compromise and come up with a win/win solution when you disagree.
Agree to disagree.
Consider the pros and cons of having a two house income or even having a part time job that can help alleviate the financial burden.
Save….Save….Save! You never know what the future holds so always be prepared.
Sex
The area of a couple’s life which offers the most potential for embarrassment, hurt, and rejection is sex. The majority of couples I have done therapy with have had issues in this area of their life. It is such an essential part of the marriage and yet very few couples ever talk about it. The goal of sex is to be closer, to have more fun, to feel satisfied, and to feel valued and accepted in this very tender area of your marriage. “Your wives are a tilth unto you; so go to your tilth when or how you will.” [Qur'an 2:223] Here are some suggestions to having a more satisfying sex life.
Fulfill your wife emotionally so that she can be receptive to you. Women shut off sexually if they don’t feel loved, appreciated or desired.
Set the mood…light candles, make dinner, give a massage, get flowers or anything that makes her feel special and loved.
Prolong foreplay. Make sure she is ready.
Take your time and don’t rush her.
Share your likes and dislikes in a gentle, positive way making her feel safe. Instead of saying you never do such and such say: I loved it when you…..or I would love it if you would….
Never criticize or make fun when getting intimate.
Always accentuate the positive – make your suggestions in a way that you are making a good thing even better. Even if you are dissatisfied don’t let her feel it.
When receiving your partner’s request, try not to see it as criticism. Have the attitude of a professional chef that is not insulted if a customer doesn’t crave a particular meal, but makes accommodations that will satisfy the customer’s palate.
Make her feel attractive and desired. The more you give her compliments, the more confident she will feel which will help her to relax and enjoy.
Make sure you try to fulfill her first in order to create a strong, positive association to intimacy.
Lack of Compassion
Men have different ways of expressing their feelings and emotions. Some express their love and concern for the family by simply working hard and providing the very best. They feel that the time they spend at work is an emotional deposit because they are putting so much effort so that their family can be comfortable. Unfortunately, this form of expression of love is generally not sufficient for most women. Women expect the men in their lives to connect with them on an emotional level, provide support and have fun together. The best of you are those who are the best to their wives.” (at-Tirmidhi)
Here are some suggestions in showing compassion so that you can connect with your wife on an emotional level.
Tell your wife you love her daily – don’t make it just a once a year event.
Never enter or leave the house without a proper greeting. Let her feel that you are happy to see her and that you will miss her when you leave.
Make daily deposits in your emotional bank account with your wife by being understanding, forgiving, cooperative and by using words of endearment.
Call your wife or send sweet messages during the day. “…And live with them in kindness…” (Nisaa 4:19)
Eat at least one meal a day together and spend time sharing what you have done.
Give lots of compliments.
If she is feeling sad or angry, show her love and compassion by hugging her. If she says she doesn’t want to talk about it, she doesn’t mean it… you just have to insist sweetly.
Learn to apologize. Even if you were not wrong apologize for making her feel bad. Win her heart not the argument! Amazing what two little words (I’m sorry) can do.
Get her gifts and flowers so she feels that you thought of her. It doesn’t have to be something expensive – just a gesture that you were thinking of her. And do good. Truly, Allah loves the good-doers (Baqara 2:195)
Be supportive and helpful with the kids. Offer to take care of the kids while she does something (anything) for herself. If she has the chance to recharge she will be a much better wife and a nicer mom!
Too Strict or Too Jealous
It is understandable that a man feels responsible for his wife and wants to make sure that she does not exceed beyond the boundaries that Allah has established. “Everyone of you is a guardian and responsible for those in his charge; the man, in his home, is a guardian and responsible for his household (Bukhari and Muslim). It takes diplomacy and gentleness to set guidelines without coming across as too strict and unreasonable. It is always a little flattering when a husband becomes jealous, but when it becomes excessive it is unhealthy and a source of stress for women. There needs to be mutual trust and respect in order to live in harmony and peace. Here are some suggestions for maintaining boundaries without being too strict or too jealous.
Be a spouse to your wife not a father. Don’t treat her like a little girl with a long list of rules. If you treat her like a child she will act like one.
Give her space to make decisions – if you hold her too tight she will feel suffocated.
Respect her and treat her like a partner not an employee.
Trust her – don’t interrogate her for every little thing. Gently ask questions.
Be reasonable in setting boundaries – if you are too strict she will either resent you or not abide by them when you are not around.
Don’t assume anything – check your assumptions and verify before accusing her of anything.
Be kind and understanding so that your wife will happily try to please you. Don’t be a harsh dictator that needs to be overthrown.
If she dresses or acts inappropriately just talk to her, educate her and help her to understand. Make her feel that you are concerned about her. Never be forceful.
Try to make excuses when she falls short.
Be playful with your spouse if you feel some jealousy. Make her feel how much you are attracted to her, how appealing she is to you that you simply don’t want to share her. This will flatter her and make it more likely that she will be more careful.
When you become more sensitive to the needs of your wife and you put effort in supporting her and connecting with her you will reap the rewards of having a more content wife. A happier wife means a happier home which means more peace and tranquility for you. By becoming more aware of these common complaints and implementing the suggestions you will definitely score big with the woman in your life!
For The Wives:
Win His Heart: A Psychological Approach for WOMEN
November 3rd, 2010
Written by: Haleh Banani, MA Clinical Psychology
As women, we desire to have a deep emotional bond with our spouse. We want to be loved and adored. Our inner core is filled with contentment and happiness when we feel understood and appreciated. Making a wish list of traits we want our husband to have is effortless, but bringing out the best in him takes a lot of nurturing.
We need to nourish our spouse daily with love, support and understanding. As a therapist, I have seen numerous men who are disappointed in their marriages. Many are frustrated and confused. Here are some suggestions on improving your marriage.
Men’s Top 6 Requests of Their Wives
Be his friend
Show him respect
Fulfill his physical needs
Make him feel desired
Make him feel appreciated
Create variety
Be a friend
The most important aspect of a marriage is friendship. When there is friendship, any obstacle can be overcome. In the Quran, Allah refers to a man’s wife as his girlfriend in Surah Abasa 80:36 which reveals the type of relationship we need to have with our spouse.
John Gottman, a psychologist who specializes in marriage stability in the States, did a study on married couples and found the one element which determines whether or not couples stay together is friendship. Look at the beautiful examples of Khadija and Aisha (RA) and how they showered the Prophet (peace and salat upon him) with love, providing him with true companionship. Think about your best friend and how he or she became so special in your life. It probably had a lot to do with the amount of time and effort he or she made to get to know you and spend time with you. When was the last time you and your spouse had quality time together where the focus was just on having fun and sharing? An easy way to get started is:
Set a date night with your spouse and stick to it
Share likes, dislikes, dreams etc.
Your friends are people who accept you and make you feel happy. How accepting are you of your spouse? Are you always trying to change or nag him? These behaviors push a man away and doesn’t create positive associations to you. Try to hold off a bit before plunging into a long list of complaints about the kids and house chores right when he arrives.
In order to create or strengthen friendship in marriage, try doing the following:
Listen, listen, listen to him – I mean really listen without being distracted, without making lists in your mind as he talks and without watching T.V. Remember what he shares with you about his work, about his goals, etc.
Share the highlights of the day & be supportive and understanding,
Find out what his area of interests are, read about them and be prepared to discuss,
Always say please and thank you, no matter how long you have been married,
Eat at least 1 meal a day together,
Be forgiving – overlook his mistakes and flaws and train yourself to remember his positive traits ( everyone has some – you just have to focus on them),
Plan activities together (be it traveling together, playing tennis, walking, eating out, going out for movie nights – anything you both enjoy doing together),
Laugh together – don’t take your relationship so seriously all the time. Couples that can laugh together, stay together,
Have time to cuddle – being in close contact, hugging & caressing melts away the barriers, anger & frustrations. We all feel better after a nice, big hug,
Say nice things to each other – If you spoke to your friend the way you speak to your spouse would they remain your friend? Be honest with the answer,
Always make up before you sleep, and sleep at the same time. Don’t lead separate lives.
Show Respect
The need for men to be respected is so strong that when they are given ample respect, they flourish like a plant that has just been watered. When they are deprived of the respect, they wilt and harbor feelings of sadness and resentment. Many times women put a lot of time and effort in keeping the house clean, taking care of the kids and fulfilling all the “duties”, but because they fall short in showing their husbands respect, the husbands will shut down and not show appreciation for all that she has done. It is critical to be sensitive towards men and their feelings. Even though men may not be as expressive, they can and do get hurt and it is much harder for them to recover from hurt feelings.
Here are some ways to show respect:
Always speak with kindness and politeness, regardless of how long you have been married. Show the same (if not more) graciousness to your husband than you show your guests,
Never shout, call him names or use profanity,
Don’t be sarcastic with sensitive issues – if he has any weaknesses or shortcomings don’t crack a joke about it. Even if he doesn’t get mad, he may feel hurt inside,
Listen to his opinion and honor his requests – you will be rewarded in this world with a happy home and in the akhira insha’Allah,
Don’t have a power struggle with him. When women are demanding and aggressive it makes the men be harsh and rigid. If you show respect for the role that Allah has chosen for him he is more likely to be accommodating,
Show love and respect to his family and be a unifying force. Don’t be known in his family as the person who took him,
Respect his “alone time”, and allow him to unwind,
Ask his opinions and value them.
Fulfill His Physical Needs
Intimacy brings about a whole lot of mixed emotions. Some sisters are not interested at all, some can never get enough and others seem to use it as a way to manipulate their husbands. There really needs to be some frank talk about this subject because I have seen many marriages suffer and fall apart due to problems of intimacy.
Sisters, if you withhold sex from your spouse as either a way to get back at him or to control him, you are making a HUGE MISTAKE. Sex is not meant to be a manipulative tool; rather it is a way to bring a necessary fulfillment to you and your spouse. I have had therapy sessions with numerous men who are addicted to porn because their wives show no interest in them or in sex. Men will feel the urge to fulfill their physical needs and if their wife is never available or interested, then some men will be tempted to either get a second wife or pursue haram (forbidden) avenues. That is why it’s of paramount importance for women to learn how to satisfy their husbands and to be available for them.
Here are some suggestions to improve your intimate relations:
Talk about sex together – the majority of couples have never spoken about it so how can they possibly know what the other person’s likes or dislikes are?
Only encourage with loving words when intimate – never criticize or judge,
Never laugh at your spouse when they are vulnerable and baring it all,
Don’t put pressure on him to perform – a large majority of men have performance anxiety. The more you help him relax, the less stressed he will be, the better he will be able to perform,
Don’t make sex about having a baby – it will happen if it’s meant to be insha’Allah. None of this, “Quick, I’m ovulating” business. The more relaxed you both are, the more enjoyable it will be, which will increase the frequency and the likelihood of getting pregnant,
Ask about each other’s fantasies and as long as they are halal (permissible), then go for it – be accepting and non-judgmental when hearing each other’s fantasies
Your wives are a tilth for you so go to your tilth, Surah Baqara 223. Meaning that you can have sexual relations in any way you want with your spouse as long as it’s halal.
Initiate intimacy – don’t wait for your spouse to make the first move every time. Be proactive!
Be engaging during sex – don’t make him feel like you are doing him a favor,
Never fake your enjoyment or else he will never learn how to please you,
Communicate during intimacy sharing your likes, dislikes and give gentle directions.
Make Him Feel Appreciated
When a man gets married he enjoys being the center of his wife’s life. He loves all the attention, the special meals and having his wife exclusively to himself. Once children appear in the picture, everything changes for the man. Not only is he not center stage – he is not even on stage! He sees his wife completely absorbed with the new baby and as much as he loves and adores the child, he simply doesn’t want to be replaced by him.
There are so many times that men are made to feel neglected. Whether it’s because of the newborn baby, her demanding job or her never ending list of errands and voluntarism, men are being overlooked and pushed aside. Each man is craving his wife’s attention. The woman that knows how to shower her man with attention and appreciation will win his heart. In my practice, working with couples, I have discovered that most people either have no idea how to show appreciation or they mistakenly show it the way they would like to receive it.
So here are some practical and easy ways to show appreciation to your husband:
Greet him with a hug and a kiss when he arrives home. Men have a need to feel important,
Make him feel that you are glad that he is home- this will create a positive association to being home; therefore he will WANT to spend more time at home,
Get off the phone before he arrives,
Make sure the place is presentable,
Have a sumptuous dinner ready,
Verbalize that you appreciate his hard work and all that he provides,
Be happy – nothing shows appreciation like a content smile,
Be understanding when he has to stay late or has to travel,
Listen to him without multitasking – I know it’s hard for us sisters to sit still and just simply listen, but it’s so critical to make a man feel heard,
*LOOK ATTRACTIVE*
You can lounge around in your sweats all day long chillin’, but before your hubby gets home take 10 minutes to wear something attractive (depending on what he likes – some prefer jeans and a cute top, others prefer short skirts or dresses – find out what he enjoys) and dab some lipstick and mascara on.
Men are exposed to so many attractive women at work, at school, in the malls, on billboards, magazines and T.V. so in order to strengthen them to lower their gaze they need to have something worthwhile to come home to at night. You don’t have to be a supermodel to look presentable to your husband. Just spend a few minutes to fix your hair and accentuate your best assets. Keep in mind sisters, that many times when husbands come home from a long day at work they may not immediatly notice your effort to dress up for him, so gently draw his attention to your new dress, haircut or makeup and let him know you did it just for him.
Make Him Feel Desired
When was the last time you gave a compliment to your husband? And I’m not referring to compliments on how well he fixed the leaky faucet. I mean a compliment on his looks or personality that will bring on a genuine smile. It seems that the more comfortable we are with someone, the less polite and gracious we become. Does that make any sense? Each person desires attention and wants to feel attractive. The need to feel attractive increases as men age, they require more assurance that they are still desirable and worthwhile. There are two ways to make a man feel attractive: either tell him by giving him a compliment or show him that you are attracted to him. Here are some ways to show your attraction to your husband:
Take the time to look at him – deep in his eyes and have your eyes lock. There usually isn’t enough time to make eye contact and since everyone always has to be careful to lower their gaze in public, here is the chance to stare and be rewarded!
Smile affectionately,
Be generous in giving compliments – it’s amazing how a person will light up with kind words.
Be playful, flirt and make him feel like the most attractive person
Create Variety
Variety is always desirable. We enjoy an array of meals, an assortment of clothes and a selection of entertainment. This yearning for variety can be fulfilled even in marriage.
Here are some simple measures you can take to add a little zest and variety to yourself.
Get different hairstyles and change the shade of your hair color – make sure it is something he will like. Don’t go for shocking – always choose styles and colors that suit you the best. Don’t all of sudden choose jet black if you are blonde for the sake of creating variety – just go a few shades darker or lighter or get highlights.
Have a nice wardrobe for the house. ”What, dress up at home?” YES! You don’t need to be all decked out, but you need to have casual, nice clothes for around the house. Don’t just hang out in sweats, pajamas or tacky clothes at home and look your best when you go out.
Get monthly maintenance at the salon. You know the drill: waxing, bleaching, trimming.
Don’t just wait for a lady’s get-together or wedding to get these things done. Make him feel valued by looking well groomed at home for him.
Invest in nice lingerie – it’s not just for the honeymoon. If you want your honeymoon to last a lifetime have a selection of lingerie that you wear regularly. Select items that he would enjoy. Make sure that it looks flattering on you. Not everything that is seductive will look flattering so choose ones that enhance your best features. The secret is to look hot at home!
Try to create variety by getting intimate in different rooms (make sure you will not be unpleasantly surprised by a little visitor), alter the time of day that you get intimate (it doesn’t always have to be in the evenings) and try to be a little adventurous.
From time to time, go for an overnight stay anywhere without the kids- you will be amazed how a different setting will improve your love life.
As you strive to create a strong bond with your husband by being a true friend, you will become closer and more intimate. This intimacy will lead to a more satisfying and relaxed sexual relationship. With an ego that is showered with compliments, attention and appreciation, men will naturally feel more attractive and desired. As they start feeling debonair, they will be more intrigued by you and your versatility. You will create the variety which will break the monotony and have sparks flying. By investing the necessary time and effort into your marriage, you will be pleasantly rewarded with a more satisfied spouse and you will WIN HIS HEART!
Taken from Muslimmatterrs.org
http://muslimmatters.org/2010/10/25/psychology-from-islamic-perspective-how-to-score-big-with-women/
and
http://muslimmatters.org/2010/11/03/how-to-win-his-heart-a-psychological-approach-for-women/
And Allah Knows Best
Friday, December 17, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)